Spontaneous tears

Yesterday morning I stood in my kitchen and sobbed.

I have no idea why.

Kiza told me that I should help Delilah with her oral presentation since I was better at organizing her talking point sequences.  Then I lost it.

I suspect a number of occurrences coincided to bring about this unexpected outburst.

First and likely most significantly was the passing of Kiza's grandmother Dorothy.  A proud world war two veteran, who drove senior brass of the RCAF during the war (domestically). She was a vocal defender of her political views (ranging from veterans rights to gay rights) and was well known (if not always well liked) by a good number of politicians at all levels, journalists and citizens of Thunder Bay.  She led a good, full and long life.  She directly impacted the lives of countless others, mostly, but not only, by means of instructing young drivers for many years.  Despite some dark times, hers was a life many would be envious of.  She will be missed by so many.  I wish I'd known her in you younger days.  She was a interesting gal.

Remembrance day this year was all the more poignant because of her recent passing.

Second was the difficult workout on Tuesday morning which exposed my still very limited mobility in my over head squat, despite well over a year of addressing the contributing issues, it makes me feel like I've been wasting my time.  So much effort and seemingly nothing to show for it.

Lastly, I ate crap all weekend.  Since Kiza was away with Delilah at Grandma's funeral in Thunder Bay, Dexter and I led a somewhat bachelor-like lifestyle for 4 days.  McDonald's for one meal. A treat of a small container of ice cream from the grocery store which I had more than my share.  An unnecessary helping of macaroni and cheese. And finally at the movies with Caleb and Genie on Monday afternoon, I consumed an entire 300g bag of M&M almonds.

If my paleo diet has taught me anything, it's that these kinds of food play havoc with my emotional state.

Another factor that just dawned on my is the time Kiza has spent away from home in the past six weeks.  Between the funeral this past weekend and three trips out of town for work, I've spend more nights alone in my bed than with her.  More nights than ever before in my adult life.

Being an intravert, I depend a great deal on Kiza for my social interactions.  I don't remember the last time I've felt so lonely, even with the kids around.

It kinda felt good to just cry.  Such a release of raw emotion that we rarely experience as adults.

Well I'm glad that's out of my system.  Kiza is back, I'm back to eating right and I've already booked an appointment with my physio to look at next steps for dealing with my mobility limitations.

Upwards and onwards.  That sounds like something Dorothy would've said.